Another eventful day in the town of Henderson Texas.

How many mornings have you been laying in bed not even full awake and realize that there is someone pounding on your front door. Now, I don't mean lightly knocking, but literally pounding on the front door. This is the second time in four months that I have been woken up this way. Its was the Rusk County Sheriffs. Now I don't care what anyone says, but the first thought that always comes to my mind, guilt or not, is "oh shit I am going to jail." But today that wasn't the case. They gave me the second around of paperwork from my ex husband. We have had more contact through lawyers in the past year and half since the divorce, than we ever talk while we were married. To spare most of the details, I was married at one time to this man and we had a daughter. I haven't seen her since 2005. Its a long story. In the end, I signed over my rights to him and his fiance so she could adopted my daughter after they got married. Well, the paper work I got this morning, shows that they got married exactly one week after I signed the papers. Just let me say one thing, and I hope someone can help me figure this out. If he lives in Florida and she lives in Arkansas, how did they meet? I'm thinking they met on the internet, but I am trying to be optimistic and think that they already knew each other. None of this bothered me until I was on the computer this morning. It hit me like a ton of bricks. They are going to lie to her. They are going to tell her that this new girl is her mother. I have been taken out of the picture completely. She's only 22. Do the math. That means she would have had to have her when she was 16 years old, for my daughter will be 5 this March. I don't know why I just figured this all out this morning. I should have known that it would happen. She will never know any different. She will go on thinking that this is her mother and father, and she will never question that. This is not something that I can wake up tomorrow morning and be completely okay with. This is something that I will be battling my whole life. I will be playing the "what ifs" in my head everyday. In the end, I did what I thought was best. I did what any rational mother would do for her kids, so they could have a better life. I have learned from my mistakes, and I would be damned to let this happen again with my daughter that I have now.

Current Mood: numb

Another eventful day in the town of Henderson Texas.

How many mornings have you been laying in bed not even full awake and realize that there is someone pounding on your front door. Now, I don't mean lightly knocking, but literally pounding on the front door. This is the second time in four months that I have been woken up this way. Its was the Rusk County Sheriffs. Now I don't care what anyone says, but the first thought that always comes to my mind, guilt or not, is "oh shit I am going to jail." But today that wasn't the case. They gave me the second around of paperwork from my ex husband. We have had more contact through lawyers in the past year and half since the divorce, than we ever talk while we were married. To spare most of the details, I was married at one time to this man and we had a daughter. I haven't seen her since 2005. Its a long story. In the end, I signed over my rights to him and his fiance so she could adopted my daughter after they got married. Well, the paper work I got this morning, shows that they got married exactly one week after I signed the papers. Just let me say one thing, and I hope someone can help me figure this out. If he lives in Florida and she lives in Arkansas, how did they meet? I'm thinking they met on the internet, but I am trying to be optimistic and think that they already knew each other. None of this bothered me until I was on the computer this morning. It hit me like a ton of bricks. They are going to lie to her. They are going to tell her that this new girl is her mother. I have been taken out of the picture completely. She's only 22. Do the math. That means she would have had to have her when she was 16 years old, for my daughter will be 5 this March. I don't know why I just figured this all out this morning. I should have known that it would happen. She will never know any different. She will go on thinking that this is her mother and father, and she will never question that. This is not something that I can wake up tomorrow morning and be completely okay with. This is something that I will be battling my whole life. I will be playing the "what ifs" in my head everyday. In the end, I did what I thought was best. I did what any rational mother would do for her kids, so they could have a better life. I have learned from my mistakes, and I would be damned to let this happen again with my daughter that I have now.

Current Mood: numb